Why We Gave Up

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So Colin and I were going to do The Master Cleanse. Which is a great way to lose weight, but not the reason why one should do it. It’s a cleanse, after all, designed for clearing out toxins and getting you healthy.

Day one was yesterday and as mentioned in yesterday’s post “Hungryland”, I spent the entire day obsessing about food. Truth was, I wasn’t THAT starving most of the time– I was just OBSESSED with the idea of NOT being able to eat. Food was on my mind all day!

The Food Palace
Colin was cleansing while at UBS, but for me I am at home all week (last week before school starts). On my usual work-at-home schedule, I pass through the kitchen (usually on my way to make a cup of tea) at least a dozen or more times a day. In case you never noticed, food is EVERYWHERE in a kitchen.

Here are the following places where we keep food that I never really “noticed” before:

  • On top of the fridge – We don’t have a ton of storage, so cereal and chips for there.
  • Tiny bowls, everywhere – on the coffee table, on the counters, behind my desk you will find stashes of mini-food, mostly candy and nuts.
  • Inside the liquor cabinet – I don’t know why, but apparently that’s a good place to store chocolate.
  • In my purse – You know, in case my car breaks down and I am trapped miles from civilization and need a Clementine.
  • Colin’s desk – though it usually doesn’t last long. It then becomes just a wrapper or ziploc bag of crumbs, which stays there forever and ever, until I clean his desk.
  • On the back porch – which we use as a second fridge during the winter. Don’t tell the squirrels or the local  homeless, as it isn’t locked.
  • Finally, on the TV – not real food, of course, but advertisements for EVERYTHING, made to look its delicious-best. Argh!

So, anyway, we decided last evening that we were doing the cleanse for the wrong reason– because we are currently fat and lazy and look for a quick way to lose weight. And then we ate pork chops and broccoli. Yum. I was so exhausted from not eating, I fell asleep at 9 p.m.

So instead of committing to starving ourselves for 10 days, we are going to start cooking more healthy foods and get moving again. Anyone up for a winter hike?

Elizabeth Howard

Elizabeth writes literary non-fiction, haiku, cultural rants, and Demand Poetry in order to forward the cause of beautiful writing. She teaches and speaks about the rhetorical impact of beautiful writing. A recent transplant to Connecticut, she calls London, Kansas City, and Iowa home. 

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  5 comments for “Why We Gave Up

  1. Colin Phillips
    January 13, 2009 at 10:43 am

    We’re not “cleansing” anymore, but we will be:

    - exercising more. Elizabeth has vowed to walk every day, attend yoga (once a week?) and hike at least once a week. I’m going to go on the weekend walks / hikes and try to stick to 3 sessions a week on the eliptical machine.

    - eat healthy. Whole foods, less starch (pasta / rice / etc). More veggies. Much less snacking. Less alcohol.

    • January 13, 2009 at 11:25 am

      Oh no darling, I hope you weren’t feeling guilty about us “giving up!” I was pretty proud of it! Remember we said we weren’t going to do anything for the wrong reasons. Like snacking… you should never ever ever snack for the wrong reason!

      XO

  2. mctwo
    January 13, 2009 at 1:20 pm

    BBC just had a story on detoxing- http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/7808348.stm

    I’d say get rid of processed foods in your house, eat more fruits & veg, eat proper portions of meat/fish, drink water/tea, and a good nights sleep. And the good thing about having more whole foods around the house is LESS PACKAGING to throw away. Win for everyone!

    Yes, we need to cut down our consumption of alcohol too, but that will have to wait until we return to the States. Can’t let this booze here go to waste!

  3. Tammy Luke
    January 13, 2009 at 1:23 pm

    My best advice to you both is to join weight watchers for three months. I did it starting last week and it is a GOD SEND and the ONLY sane way to lose weight. It teaches you portion control and their momentum plan is a great way to find filling foods. Get some steel cut oats to make oatmeal – it keps you full FOREVER! And alcohol has to be consdiered “dessert” if you are ever to lose any weight at all. Check out Oprah’s website on healthy foods too – lots of WHOLE GRAINS (no white flour – bad!), lots of fruits and veggies to keep you full. Serously – it’s $65 to sign up online for three months, and a good way to start you in the right direction. You can also just buy a WW points calculator after you figure out your points value for the day and use it. I love it!

  4. January 26, 2011 at 7:12 am

    Oh, a cleanse! I do have to do it for health reasons once in awhile, (over a month last year),and those first two days are the worst to get through. When a friend asked me if I would do a cleanse just for the weight-loss part (she noticed my extra 10 pounds had flown off my body miraculously), I told her “No way!” And the pounds are back and I have not done another one since. Lack of will power? Nah, perspective! Wine and chocolate are just too nice and life is too short.

    Will I cleanse again? Most likely, if I can make it through those first two days with no pizza!

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