Dear Denise Austin: Could you come over?

Or, The Booty is Asking for Help Here..

In the next few months, I am going to get RID of this seriously ridiculous JELLY ROLL on my gut and hopefully bring down my cholesterol number.

This is not some rinky dink New Year’s resolution. It takes time and resolve to plan the attack on bad habits. After all, what could be more fun then SNACK TIME? Or spooning in the morning until the last possible second?

But I need help! I am sending out my fitness assistance call to action in ALL directions. I already love to yoga, but I am not going to drop any weight in savasana once a week.

Colin suggested I train for a TRIATHALON with him. I feel skittish about this possibility but I haven’t said no. I have the seed planted and I am starting to look for adult swim lessons somewhere.

And I’ve asked him if we could maybe trade our usual date night out to dinner with some weekly rock climbing. Apparently this gym has a ladies night for $5 on Fridays. But I’ve got to learn to belay first.

What You Can Do to Help My Luscious Booty.

Besides getting myself motivated, I really would like some HELP!

I want you to send me fitness events, races, opportunities and CHALLENGE me to join you in them, or just tell me to do it on my own!

Give me link to a 5K and I will sign up.

Send me a bike race you know of and I will get cycling to get ready.

Hire Denise Austin to live at my house for awhile.

It’s karma, after all.

Once I had a friend, Kate Reilly, who said she ALWAYS wanted to run a marathon. She was SO ready for it and I could tell because she kept talking about it. She sat across at her desk and waxed poetic on the how SOMEDAY she was going  to run the Rock and Roll Marathon in San Diego.

This was back before marathons were cool, but after the internet was invented. So while she was gabbing on and on, I went online.

I signed her up.

“Kate, I just signed you up for the Rock and Roll Marathon,” I said.

There was a good deal of sputtering. And she was kinda pissed. After she reconnected her jaw to her face, she started training almost immediately. She trained for 6 months, running the streets in the late nights.

And she ran her dream first marathon.

Could you please help me? I should  note, however: Please don’t sign me up for a marathon. Currently can hardly walk currently. Give it a year or so.

Elizabeth Howard

Elizabeth writes literary non-fiction, haiku, cultural rants, and Demand Poetry in order to forward the cause of beautiful writing. She teaches and speaks about the rhetorical impact of beautiful writing. A recent transplant to Connecticut, she calls London, Kansas City, and Iowa home.

 

Tags:

  8 comments for “Dear Denise Austin: Could you come over?

  1. January 1, 2011 at 8:29 pm

    Do I need to sign you up for the Bix 7? Because I will if that will help you get moving!

    I’m actually going to be participating in a Lean Cuisine Challenge but I made sure it wasn’t a “Eat just our stuff and that’s it” kind of thing. I explained that if I want to eat at McD’s, I will and don’t want to feel guilty. If I want ice cream with the family then I will. My goal is to incorporate some of their products in places where I would otherwise be eating… ummm… junk. But that my main goal is to keep the family involved in healthy eating and not make it a me thing. I’m hoping to kick it up and lose some weight and hope that by participating in something that is making me accountable that I’ll actually stick with it!

    So should I mark you down as coming to visit while you’re in town for the Bix? 🙂

  2. January 2, 2011 at 7:53 am

    I’d LOVE to “run” the Bix. We are going to be in Iowa in the first part of July. I think maybe not this year, but maybe I will find a run that weekened to run in solidarity.

  3. Tammy Luke
    January 2, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    Two words – RAGBRAI baby!

  4. marty
    January 3, 2011 at 6:54 pm

    Elizabeth – I’ll LOAN you a book for inspiration, and also my hints:
    Buy the best running shoes you can afford – maybe even at a running store where they check your foot’s connection with the floor when you take a stride.
    Find a time that WORKS – make a standing (jogging) appointment.
    Then; Walk with a little jogs thrown in – and stick to a set distance.
    Then; walk less, jog more.
    Repeat.
    Good luck!

    • January 4, 2011 at 7:47 am

      Thanks marty! I am starting to DDR (Dance Dance Revolution) in the evening with Colin! It’s so fun! Also I’ve been walking everyday, which — big surprise! — I love! I get to listen to delicious podcasts.

  5. Colin
    January 4, 2011 at 11:21 am

    We’ve had 4 great little excuses for the last couple of years .. but we finally have a little extra time (even if only a little) to start taking better care of ourselves. Bye bye 30lbs, hello Triathalon finish line …

  6. Abigail
    January 12, 2011 at 3:04 pm

    Grab a mini trampoline at a thrift store and rebound your way to a healthy lymph system! You’re welcome. 🙂

    • January 12, 2011 at 3:45 pm

      Abigail, I love that noted the trampoline has to be from the thrift store. Perfect!

Comments are closed.