The Lawn Mower Heard Round the World

My husband is mowing the lawn right now…

Shhhh. Can you hear that?

No that isn’t (just) the sound of our gas-guzzling 42″ Ariens Super-Deluxe Tractor Mower/Cheese Slicer.

That’s the thundering palpitation of his heart.

Damn, some things a woman just CANNOT get in the way of, no matter how environmental-y she is. A man and the big tool he desires –shiny orange and growly — is definitely one of them.

So we had this grungy old lump of a lawn machine that was moping in our shed for three years. My husband was embarrased every time he sat on it and I don’t blame him.

That mower was an emphysemic old man who refused to give up his Camels. Colin rode Blue Smokey around the yard dejectedly.

Instead of getting a new wife, my husband was kind enough to just upgrade on his lawn machine. When it got delivered to our driveway, however, it didn’t WORK!

I tried to help. I tried to be supportive but nothing I did was working!

WHY? I now know. Because nothing in our relationship, our house, or our lives was ever going to work again until that mower worked.

Thank god my husband is persistent, sweet and handy with other tools. He bravely dove into the shiny new heart of the beast and fearlessly tinkered with its veins Until the Blades Turned.

The force is strong in this one.

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Elizabeth Howard

Elizabeth writes literary non-fiction, haiku, cultural rants, and Demand Poetry in order to forward the cause of beautiful writing. She teaches and speaks about the rhetorical impact of beautiful writing. A recent transplant to Connecticut, she calls London, Kansas City, and Iowa home. 

  5 comments for “The Lawn Mower Heard Round the World

  1. May 26, 2011 at 4:22 pm

    I’m afraid I have a cooler lawn mower than Colin does. It’s called: “my two teenage sons!”

  2. Colin
    May 27, 2011 at 8:02 am

    All is well in the universe now though manufacturer’s quality control leaves something to be desired – the problem was a bent connector on the switch to engage the blades. It couldn’t have worked when they shipped it. Other than that, I love my new orange beast.

  3. Nicholas Pekar
    May 27, 2011 at 12:48 pm

    When I first read the title of your article. I was expecting you to mention how the sound of lawn mowers can be heard all over the world in celebration of Memorial Day weekend. Man, woman and teenager starting up their lawn eaters in preparation for the many picnics held this weekend. It also occurred to me that you wouldn’t hear lawn mowers all over the world. Memorial day is an American holiday. But than I think again, or I hope that every American will at some point this weekend think of all the troops overseas. The troops deserve to hear the lawn mowers as much as we do. Lets remember and honor them, and the soldiers that gave their lives so we may have a safe country to call home. So when you go outside and start up your lawn mower, look to the east, the west, the north, and the south and say “thank you!” to those soldiers all over the world that protect this country of ours. Lets pray they come home safely so they too can be one of the many Americans to celebrate this wonderful holiday.

    • May 27, 2011 at 12:55 pm

      Nick, come over immediately and bring some beer. Please drive your lawn mower.

  4. Karen
    May 27, 2011 at 1:42 pm

    Every time I take Jason to Home Depot he picks out the most expensive ride on lawn mower (sometimes a grill as well) and says thats what he wants. This started when he was two!

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