Category: Ponderings

On thoughts, and the thinking behind them

All These Years of Loving You

See this awesome family? These grown-ups are two of my oldest friends, T. Mallie and Adrian Brathwaite. Mallie (yes, that’s what I call her) and I have known each other since we met working at the Iowa State Daily back in 1990. She and Adrian met the same year when she was bartending and he…

On Year 44

What All Those Birthday Wishes Mean to MeAs I walked from home to the playground today to pick up the kids, it occurred to me that — perhaps — at some point in one’s life it is considered “untoward” to make such a fuss about one’s birthday. Of course, not that I’ve ever given a…

In Love with ‘Love, Actually’

Love Actually Perfect

How 10 Years of Fear Have Bruised our HeartsBecause I forgot to take the bacon out of the freezer Christmas Eve, I got the chance to see “Love, Actually” again this year. It just so happens that this is the 10th anniversary of the film, and for some reason that means that people are thinking/talking…

Why Not? She Asks Again – #reverb13 – Day 17

Wide Open Original photo by E. Howard

Resolve – Firmness of purpose; to solve a problem or a dispute. My word for 2013 was “resolve.” I dissected that word last December, and like any misguided wordsmith, instead of thinking “how does this apply to me” I just pulled it all apart and wrote in second person. I have a tendency to do…

Addicted to Loathing – #reverb13 – Day 16

Rose encased in ice original photo by E. Howard

When that habit is feeling bad, it’s hard work to feel any differently.On my “bad days,” the one thing I hear over and over again from people who love me is: “You are too hard on yourself!” This bad habit of self-loathing has been my ever-lurking shadow. It goes hand-in-hand with the long walk I…

Being Out There Again – #reverb13 – Day 5

Standing at the Precipice by Charkrem on Flickr

The brutal impact of self-censorship Right now, you are experiencing with me my biggest risk of 2013. Back in 2009, after the kids came to live with us, the kids’ attorney advised me to consider cutting back on my online presence. I was shocked. I felt sick. It hadn’t occurred to me that the family…

On Being Lost – #Reverb13 – Day 2

The getting in the way is part of the way. Already I can feel my fingers resisting saying: “Don’t say the awfulness. Don’t tell them you Feel lost in the lives of everyone else You take care of, and it’s your own fault anyway because You’ve read The Four Agreements and you Know better” and…

Suddenly, and Again – #Reverb13 Day One

On my tripwire connections of mind, body and soulHow do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?   First, I feel like saying “Oh my goodness hello and I’m sorry!” If there is anyone out there who has been counting on me to blog…

On Having to Cut Down a Tree

Is it worth being sentimental over one tree? The last time I mentioned to friends that we might have to cut down our two huge Norway maples, one FB friend replied “good riddance. They are invasive species to New England anyway.” I sometimes think that our attachments to trees or cars or other “stuff” isn’t…

Without Remembering

Another sunrise, another lifeCreating is not remembering… It is to look and to hear and to write — without remembering. It is the immediate feelings arranged in words as they occur to me.” — Gertrude Stein We are all in our ruts, our patterns, our habits. It’s a relief, I suppose, to discover they are…

On Going Mental

Yesterday one of my oldest friends called me… from the “inside.” Well, to put it more clearly, she called from an inpatient psych ward. My friend and I have known each other now as long as we have not known each other… longer actually. And since she met her husband about 3 weeks after I…

11 Minutes is alot of Time

Today is wrote a small stone called “The Time.” I wrote it for two reasons. First, because I notice I had about 11 minutes before the kids had to leave to go to school. The kids were happily engaged in something and I suddenly thought: “Hey! I should write my small stone right now, while…