Life in America

Message from the Leaf Pile

Top 10 Reasons to Read a Blog 10. The blogger is funny, but not funny ha-ha… funny hmmmm. 9. You are bored of internet porn… it is so done! 8. Procrastination is nine-tenths of the law. 7. You hate your boss. Your boss wants you to do something other than browse the internet. You fancy…

Tag, You’re It

Or, Silly Games Bloggers Play to Fill Their Time Recently, my “bluddy” (ie. my blog buddy, or, also, my bloody-pain-in-the-arse-bugging-me-with-chain-blogs-buddy) Grinder “tagged” me for some inocuous game of Blog Tag. Being tagged in a blog is not (I hope) like being tagged by a gang member. It’s more akin to that uber-long and somewhat-but-not-quite personal “Get To Know…

Roof Over Head

Guest Post from Grinder There was a homeless guy on the square, all smiles with his hands out and when you gave him change he was bless you and thank you and you would feel good. One day I walked out of Walgreens and there he was with a newspaper. I reached in and gave…

The Uphill Battle

Three hours of my time, this weekend, was spent doing this (see photo, right). If you had a look at my yard right now, of course, you’d have absolutely zero inkling that any form of rake had ever touch it. As an estimate, we have 427,783 trees in our yard. Now, this might be an…

The Happiest Terrorist (see new definition)

After reading a somewhat disturbing account of a poor Japanese tourist on a Connecticut train, I’ve decided, on behalf of all Normal (ie., not bonkers) English speakers everywhere, to reclaim the word “TERROR” and give it a total facelift. New Definition: Terror (n) (trr) : Intense desire to use a pogo stick. Usage: From the…

Take the Pineapple from the Bowl!

Or… Mama Earth’s First Indication We’re Overstaying Our Welcome I’ve brought you all here today, in the witness of this pineapple turkey, to tell you about the legend of the pineapple. Once people went to visit a wealthy home and they were greeted warmly. They knew the hosts were glad to see them because on…

A Way to Occupy Her Time

Photographer Julia Margaret Cameron took up her “hobby” at 49. The camera was a gift from her family, a way to occupy her time while her husband traveled for work. She set up her own darkroom at their home on the Isle of Wight. She kept a journal. She presented her own portfolio to the…

Postcard from Kansas

If you’re wondering where people go when they don’t update their blogs for a few days, it might be Kansas. It might be to visit old friends. To stop and sit on a sofa, holding a fussy baby and wonder “Is this what is meant by vacation?” It might be that time you spend, stopping…

Drowning in Yogurt Cups

Re: Recycling Yogurt Cups!!! Dear Dannon Yogurt, Recently scientists invented a device called the “laser.” It is very handy for correcting vision, cutting things, attaching to the heads of irritated seabass for military purposes. Scientists are smart and can come up with creative ways of fixing problems all the time.  I was wondering, since 2005,…

How to Win the Nobel Peace Prize

You might have THOUGHT Mother Teresa won her Nobel Prize for caring for the poor and the hungry. But it was really her smack talk about the Bush family that sealed the deal. Because, according to a headliner at the “Ethics and Public Policy Center” there is one fool-proof way to get yourself noticed by…

The 4x4s that Ate Connecticut

… Or, Why We Can’t Find Our Car in our “Green” State Connecticut is a “blue” state which means that it generally votes democrat. It’s full of “liberals” running around shopping at Trader Joes and farmer’s markets, buying organic and bringing that GREEN hue to every statement they make. Hence the theme for today’s eco-rant, brought…

Message from the Coffeehouse

Being friends with other writers is always an elaborate game of Telephone: I’ve got Dixie Cups attached to email and blog strings all over the world. Here’s one whisper from Jenn, today, a new writing friend in the Small State. She sends regards from Stephen King, a fellow Stratfordian (he grew up here anyway) from…

The Return of the Karmic Lawn Mower

 About five years ago, Silvia and Alex Torres gave me their lawn mower because they didn’t need it in their move back to Tampico. It was a good thing, too, because the lawn mower I had was stolen out of my garage that I never kept locked. It was a good thing too, because it…

That Rakeish, Sideways Smile (-:

Or… The Day Renée Montagne Used Valuable Airtime to Tell Me About a Computer Symbol’s Birthday Back when I was “dating” Wilbur, I swore I would never, ever wake up to morning radio. Will had his radio set to 98.9 and Johnny Dare’s morning show in Kansas City. You don’t need to actually listen to…