Letters from a Small State » advice

Future Self: Don’t Be Such a Bitch

Elizabeth — Tue, 21 Dec 2010 23:38:06 +0000

Dear Future Self,

I hope you realize that not EVERYONE is as lucky as you are to be a highly successful author of four best-selling books.

I hope you remember that even though you have EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE, that many other people still have barely what they need.

I hope you know that achieving ONE or TWO BIG GOALS doesn’t mean you will suddenly feel satisfied. There are still going to be those “eat-all-the-Reese’s-Pieces” days. The Satisfaction is just going to be something that comes from within.

I hope you know what you look AMAZING right now. Look at yourself in the mirror! Holy smokes! It ain’t EVER gonna get better than that, you gorgeous thing!

I hope you have the sense to KEEP YOUR VALUES about you. I mean, it’s nice to have access to the top 1 percent, ya know? But remember you are just a normal girl from Iowa, and the only part that matters is how hard you work, how kind you are, and what you give back.

I hope you know you WILL be a bitch sometimes. So be sure to keep the people close to you who love you when you are sad and cranky and goofy-weird too.

Oh, and lastly I hope you remember to always send thank you notes, especially to the people who help you and give you love and support.

That includes send a sweet little note to your stressed out and seriously uncertain younger self, who worked her ass off for you– grinding her teeth and not sleeping well at all, in the pursuit of all your dreams.

Peace out.

mE.

(This post was inspired by Day 21 #reverb10 prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Thanks Jenny Blake!)

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This post is from the archives of favorite posts on writing so I’ve added it to my “For Writers, By Writers” series.

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Parties: Math Made Fun!

Elizabeth — Thu, 09 Dec 2010 19:37:31 +0000

Day 9, #reverb 10: Party.What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? (Thanks, Shauna Reid)

Here’s the best party advice I ever learned:
Never –ever– hang your invite up on a wall.

Parties are simple mathematical equations. They are algebra.

On one side of the = sign is everything you need for the party:

alcohol
friends
alcohol
food
streamers and noise makers and kebabs and funny hats and chairs
tequila.

And on the OTHER SIDE of the equals sign is your future as a popular human being, covered up in a sparkly wrap of flimsy self-worth.

Here’s some geometry for you, to further understand what I mean.

IF you just let any random nincompoop show up, THEN the most unpredictable group of discordant ne’er-do-wells will undoubtedly come, hauling behind them a pony keg and a parade of perfectly coiffed mullets.

And everyone else will be at Applebees.

So, IF you hang your invite on a wall, THEN the party will actually be at Applebees. Where you will not be.

Here’s the second best piece of party advice I ever got:

“B.Y.O.B.” is for amateurs.

Of course people might bring you a bottle of wine, or have their own favorite beer they want to cradle on their lap and not share with anyone (true story. He really did hold the 4-pack in his lap! And it was Keystone Light!).

But guests shouldn’t have to come with booze in hand. Arriving at a party should be worry-free, where guests perch at the precipice of an evening, ready to pour themselves into relaxation and slide down into a happily mysterious night.

Guests SHOULD have the joy of rifling through your leftovers in the fridge to find the last bottle of microbrew they’d never tried before.

Or better yet, they should come rushing over early, just to slurp down the annual white sangria garnished with celery, which you only make on the occasion your Arbor Day Smash Up.

My gay friend, Mike, was the Yoda of parties for me when we were roomies. He taught me the secrets. We were pretty poor (I was working at Chi Chi’s for extra cash), but I saw how the investment paid off. A quality party needs the “guest” factor: with every guest feeling like the party arrives when they do. They arrive thinking:

This is going to be fun. The guests are going to hand-picked. I don’t know what is going to happen, but I know I don’t have to deliver it. I only have to deliver my amazing self.

This Year’s Main Event…
So, since Shauna asked, I didn’t really go to any AMAZING parties that didn’t involve (headache commencing) goodie bags and bounce castles this year. Most were low-key affairs.

In July, we did host one fun event. It was a 2nd annual torch-lit folk concert fundraiser. More people showed this year than last. Colin’s pancetta-wrapped grilled shrimp (just hand-wrap big prawns in thin pancetta, dunk in olive oil, season, and grill. The bacon melts into the shrimp and “disappears”) sent waves of swooning guests back to the food table repeatedly.

And naturally bug spray was made freely available.

For now, I guess I am needing more low-key than PARRR-TEE!

The best time, for me as a guest, was in Maine, at a lake’s sandy cove with Ellen and Peter and their boys. It wasn’t a party: more like gathering of people who love our family and are happy to see us — ALL of us — and ready to give Colin and I some peace and tranquility in a very beautiful place.

That, to me right now, is the perfect party.

Speaking of parties, this post is part of a daily writing project called #reverb10. Find out more & join in this creative exercise here.

The Parenting Apocolypse

Elizabeth — Thu, 04 Feb 2010 21:12:40 +0000

Wow there is SO much “content” out there in the World (Wide Web) to inform, amuse, and berate today’s parent.

I mean, don’t get me wrong. Some of it is actually useful. Such as the answers to basic questions like “Which end is up, again?” “Will it ever stop pooping?” and the classic follow up, “Will the poop ever make it to the toilet bowl?”

The BEST part about parenting website, blogs, advice columns and books is the one inherent truth in parenting: all parents simultaneously feel like a big fat failure in child raising while also believing that they are 100 percent right about their parenting method.

So basically, reading parenting tips is like self-flagellation that has been outsourced.

The breadth of knowledge we have available only leads me to believe we might actually be approaching the end of the world, led by a pack of rabid Moms who all insist that Their Child is “Gifted.”

They will only shortly be followed by the Homeschoolers, Welfare Moms/Dads with More Than Four Kids, and Perpetual Playdaters.

Is it spring yet?