Letters from Home

#reverb10 Day 28: Achieve is a Dirty Word.

Fuck I hate that word.

So there in my email is a simply GORGEOUS woman smiling at me and underneath her is the prompt for the day and it just so happens to be one of single words in the English language that I hate more than any other.

ACHEIVE.

Ergh. How does it make me FEEL??? (Note: Please stop reading now if you’re the sort that likes stuffing your feelings deep down inside. Or only expresses them in cherry pink and sparkle colored smiles, as appropriate in public).

SO, I want to ACHIEVE not feeling like a human being and a big fat failure this year. Unfortunately, right now, I am FAILING at that and just going on one of those stupid useless and cyclical rants caused my lack of sleep, general malaise, and FEAR of exposing myself as a human being with flaws.

I mean, don’t get me wrong: I get ALOT done, and am often very successful at what I set out to do. I ACHIEVE everyday!! But fuck if it hardly ever feels like “to bring to a successful conclusion; accomplish; attain.” (Thanks Free Dictionary)

Top 10 Reasons I WILL Achieve Everything I Desire in 2011, (Yet Still Feel Like Shit).

10. Self-esteem (every form) appears to be chronic.

9. I haven’t yet been able to snatch the horizon and put it in ┬ámy pocket.

8. Oh look at that girl over there! She’s got even BIGGER earrings and TALLER boots than me. Please pass the ice cream.

7. I have naturally curly hair… you know what THAT means when it rains. Or when you go to the hairstylist.

6. The sore throats just keep coming back.

5. The word “saboteur” is too cool a word to banish from one’s personal collection of identities.

4. My copy of The Common Book of Standards (With Which To Measure One’s Self Against in Any and Every Case) was lost in a bacon pan fire.

3. Jay Leno just KEEPS coming back. CHIN!

2. Too many previous examples of flattened souffles to eat my way through.

And, finally…

1. The Baby New Year does not look at ALL happy that top hats and irony are predicted to be OUT this season.

So, in conclusion, my BIG GOAL for 2011 is to just find a bunch of random people on Twitter and take whatever advice they happen to doling out that day, in the hopes that the best bitty chatter will land me in some useful place of joy for some small slice of time.

Achieving, ultimately I hope, a busted-down but beautiful mosaic year, full of promise, spontaneity, and as little sadness as I can muster.