Letters from Home

Suddenly, and Again – #Reverb13 Day One

How do you feel, on this first day, in your mind? In your body? In your heart? In your soul?

#reverb13 by Kat McNally at Letters from a Small State


First, I feel like saying “Oh my goodness hello and I’m sorry!” If there is anyone out there who has been counting on me to blog regularly these past few years, all I have is a string of excuses. It’s true. Lots of people like to give me “pass” because of the kids and all that which has filled up my life these last few years.

Thanks for the forgiveness. I appreciate it.

I also sort of feel like I’ve gotten used to a certain kind of inertia. I am not sure if it is just a kind of chronic experience now. Do I not know HOW to be a writer of regularity anymore and I have to retrain myself?

Probably. So OK… I’m working on that.

Second, I think I experience the speed of life and the world like a person on a bungee cord. When I am hurtling off the bridge, I can almost pretend I am not moving at all — until the motion stops me and flings me up and backwards. When I get forced to move in a different direction, only then do I really understand the speed I am moving, and how much is really happening.

In my body, that feeling is a kind of buzzy numbness. My mind catapults itself about, trying to keep up.

And in my body, I feel lost. I feel disconnected. I feel like I remember who used to live here, but I don’t know where she went.

That physical feeling — a lost connection to the limbs, of falling into some kind of digital space and having no idea of who or what is around me — it is completely intertwined.

And of course, then I look up and there is my friend Karyn standing in front of me, and I see her lovely skin and her really real realness, and realize I’ve just said something bizarre and maybe a little odd and I think: “oh no. Where have I been? Am I here now? Where was I just then?”

Third, I feel happy that I found Tracy Ann Mangold’s post on Facebook, because all of this discombobulation of life means that I don’t know or remember things I want to remember like #reverb13, unless they flash in front of my eyes like some kind of happy accident. Though I wonder if, in any kind of average remembering, if I would quite so interested.

Thanks Tracy.

7 thoughts on “Suddenly, and Again – #Reverb13 Day One

  1. I read your words over & over again, trying to figure out how you can write about what is happening in my brain. Sometimes you also write about my heart. I think you are a magician. Thank you for writing when you do because it inspires me always.

  2. You made my day, Elizabeth!

    OH gosh, I’ve been forgetting stuff left and right. I forgot to write a prompt for this year’s Reverb after being asked to provide one. They asked back in October or September and when October hit – well – you read what happened! Everything vanished from my mind. I couldn’t even remember what I walked into a room to get. Life grabs us sometimes and we think we need to do it all at once. I certainly do. Clean the house? Well I’ll clean all the rooms at once! Yeah right. I’m working so hard on just focusing ONE task at a time because I get overwhelmed. I have to breathe and say – one thing at a time. You are busy busy busy and I can totally see with your awesome household how you could forget or overlook something. We are all human. You are lovely and I’m so glad to know you.

  3. Life does just keep hurtling us forward. My kids are all grown now, and so I’ve re-adjusted, and re-adjusted again… and I think, that is what we do. It’s a constant state and it’s all real. I think that sometimes, the not remembering everything is a good thing…a survival mechanism. Happy reverb!

    1. The readjusting state… I admit it takes getting used to the idea of it. As I am shifting around, so is everyone else! How do we all stay in sync? It’s like a form of magic! Thanks Kelly!

Comments are closed.