Valerie Weaver-Zercher’s musings on “The Philo-Lilac” (available only in hardcopy… not yet available online) in Orion Magazine this month poses the question I am pondering myself– what’s that emptiness and loss of rejection in the work world– even when it’s something you are pretty sure you don’t want?
Previously I blogged about the political in-fighting at my current job–trust me. Not worth re-reading. Summary: I am one of the Billy Goats Gruff. Work is like crossing the bridge. My students are the nice green grass on the hill over there. Well, since there’s only one other “key” character in this story, I’ll let you guess which character the Boss is playing in this grim tale.
What I will say about this, currently, is this: my job as an adjunct professor in this kind of work environment doesn’t represent the ideal picture of job security, anyway. So, QUESTION: at the end of my “contract” this semester, is it weird for me to feel so unhappy that there’s no paper in my mailbox offering a course next fall?
So I am left in that place, again, of uncertainty.
Should I cool my heels and wait to be asked to teach the ungrateful-yet-needy hoard again? Or, turn away and decide to take the plunge into the Next Thing, whatever that will look like? All my ideas always seem to be the Philo-Lilac: beauty and uniqueness that only I can see.
There’s a change happening in my department and my colleagues tries to reassure me that “It’s all up in the air” — like invisible pollen. It collects on our car hoods and travels carelessly through the window screens, but we can’t stop it, collect it, or name it.
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