It’s 4:30 a.m. of course again. It’s a good time to think about things. In particular, how to change the world this week.
As for me, I am thinking about how frustrated I get with other people: you know, I just can’t control them! Why won’t they follow my mind control??!
I end up doing many things alone — not by choice, but by fear. It’s not because I am lazy either, I’ve decided. It’s because I am scared of people. Truly.
Do you ever get that way? You think; “Maybe I’ll call so-and-so to see if they want to do such-and-such?” and then you start to overthink all the myriad of possible responses and rejections?
Hell, so-and-so might not even bother to answer the phone/email/text, or reply back for that matter.
And then that means another week of wondering: why? Are they on vacation? Did they lose their phone? Did I, or someone in my family insult them or sit on their cat the last time we visited?
Seems like it’s just easier to stay at home, clean the house and bake, alone in my own universe.
Hmmm… maybe not.
However, it’s a new week, and a new world. And I can’t help thinking there must be other people out there, strapped to their fear and their Windex bottles, waiting for the phone to ring.
“Only to the extent that we expose ourselves over and over to annihilation can that which is indestructible in us be found.” — Pema Chodron