Letters from Home


Or, On How to Avoid Becoming a Lesbian at College

My friend, Frances, and I have married the same man.

Frances: Alex is bobsledding in Lillehammer. He’s a bit nervous.

Me: Why? He’s loves to ski black diamonds in brightly colored one-piece snowsuits.

Frances: The first time they go down in a big bathtub thing with five or six people, but the second run is on an actual bobsled. By the end of the slope, you are actually pulling 5 gs.

Me: Colin would like that. He’d be grinning like an idiot by the end. (I demonstrate)

Frances: Look. (Shows me a photo¬† on her Blackberry). He just sent this. “This is my lunch.”

Me: Is that lime pizza?

Frances: (texting) “mmmmm lime pizza.”

In a previous post, I mentioned how I felt that marrying IT guys is the new black, and I stand by that conviction.

Especially after reading a recent article from the New York Times website about the dire state of dating on college campuses. Based on the percentage of women in college, it appears that if you are a lady who attends a college that DOESN’T have an engineering school, you will be forced to be a lesbian to get a date.

Well, of course the key there is the geek factor. When choosing a school to attend, ladies, find the best engineering schools. Engineering schools are heaving with men like Colin and Alex (well, not all as handsome, I’ll grant) whose job prospects are far better than the hot dude with a six pack, scrabbling for a “communications” degree.

And even if your nerd seems a bit unpolished when you meet him, note that more than any man I have met, IT guys are very malleable in the social and fashion departments. That is, they have little to no skills in those departments and they aren’t embarrassed to say so. So if you love a project, they will sit very still for you.

As long as you let them have their computer/Crackberry while you work.

Frances: I am really Alex’s second wife. After the Toshiba.
Me: Colin gets mad at me if I talk to him when he’s building his iTunes playlist.
Frances: We married the same man.

8 thoughts on “Techno-Love

  1. this is a funny post , wish this advice had come a lot sooner. Am beyond looking for a boyfriend and so are my plenty of 30-40 somethings SINGLE friends who clearly never had the benefit of your insight, especially the fact that IT men are ‘re-programmable’. I normally send them in the direction of jobs (they’re too old for UNI) where they can meet cameramen/soundmen as those are usually hetero with a healthy appetite for sex if not relationships….but whaddayaknow, some of these chicks insist on trying to find boyfriends in fashion and media. HA! big mistake.

    1. @lisa… you can still find them! Just hang around the caffes where IT guys have lunch. Of course, you WILL have to s-TALK to them, and they might not answer the first few times. Or just find one online. Cybermen love cyber dating.

  2. @J, you know that really does circumvent all the problems! @Tam, we really should have ventured over to non-liberal arts side of campus every once in a while.

  3. TAMMY! OMG, I sent an email to a friend thinking that this photo reminded me of SOMEONE. Curiously, his name was ALSO Steve. Not exactly what I’d call an IT guy, however.

  4. Forget IT boys, go for the IT lesbians! I married one and, while she isn’t exactly “malleable,” there are other benefits.

  5. How is it we didn’t find these “malleable” guys at ISU then, E-Beth?

    And seriously, if you can look at that picture for any period of time and not SHUDDER at the resemblance to a certain obnoxious, loud oaf of an audio operator from KWWL, I don’t know how you can live with yourself. YOU KNOW who I am talking about!

  6. I agree, an engineering program at the college you choose is crucial! I found a great and loving man and he treats me well.

    Sounds like you had a great time in TN, E. So happy!
    Love, B

Comments are closed.