After reading a somewhat disturbing account of a poor Japanese tourist on a Connecticut train, I’ve decided, on behalf of all Normal (ie., not bonkers) English speakers everywhere, to reclaim the word “TERROR” and give it a total facelift. New Definition: Terror (n) (trr) : Intense desire to use a pogo stick. Usage: From the…
Category: Object-ification
In which I moan and whinge about “things”– purchased, consumed, drunken, and otherwise.
Take the Pineapple from the Bowl!
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Or… Mama Earth’s First Indication We’re Overstaying Our Welcome I’ve brought you all here today, in the witness of this pineapple turkey, to tell you about the legend of the pineapple. Once people went to visit a wealthy home and they were greeted warmly. They knew the hosts were glad to see them because on…
The 4x4s that Ate Connecticut
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… Or, Why We Can’t Find Our Car in our “Green” State Connecticut is a “blue” state which means that it generally votes democrat. It’s full of “liberals” running around shopping at Trader Joes and farmer’s markets, buying organic and bringing that GREEN hue to every statement they make. Hence the theme for today’s eco-rant, brought…
The Return of the Karmic Lawn Mower
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About five years ago, Silvia and Alex Torres gave me their lawn mower because they didn’t need it in their move back to Tampico. It was a good thing, too, because the lawn mower I had was stolen out of my garage that I never kept locked. It was a good thing too, because it…
Having a Fit in America
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Having landed safely and been released through Homeland Security, it all begs the first burning question: What is the first thing you buy in the Land of Capitalism after living in Europe for three years? That’s right. A car. Tainted by the foolish, small-car-ways of European car makers (they invented something called a “SmartCar” for…
The Abominable SNOWMAN!!
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…Or, More Love-Hate Consumerism at Christmas Time RARR!!! Spend bad. Me no like spend. Jesus baby manger good. RARR!!! Plastic Baby Jesus manger, made China, Wal-Mart shop! BADD! RARR!!! Errr… err… Star sky night…good … err.. Lights, many, hole ozone…eRRR RARRR!! Make ice melt! Make Snowman melt! RARARRR! BAD! Snowman? Light? Err… err… Me confused.
All the Plastic in the World
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Lately I’ve been thinking about Little House on the Prairie. Not the books, but the show, with Melissa Gilbert and her pigtails flying. One of my favorite characters was Mr. Olsen. Not because he was so nice and long-suffering, with the noisy wife and spoiled children. No, I remember him because of his store. Inside…
