Roadkill Relations

We’ve got the fatties back in our yard, and I am responsible. Squirrels get happy around Halloween here– they love to snack on our jack-o-lanterns, 5 times their size. I encourage it, really, sort of hoping that they will end up just too slow to move, and find themselves trying to dodge the car tires, unsuccessfully.

Being the environmentalist I am, I feel a little bad about wishing my squirrel friends were dead.  I mean, I am supposed to love animals, want the whales saved, eat dolphin-friendly tuna and such, right? I guess, but there is just something about stories of untimely animal deaths that amuse me. Not like funny hahahahah, but more like “Check that out… a mangled Bambi in the school crosswalk. Huh. Wonder what the kiddies will think of that.”

We are all just a bit too serious about death, I think. Roadkill is great for reminding us about the important things in life, like death: “Hey, it can happen anytime, and in the worst way imaginable!”

One of my favorite Trigger Happy TV videos is the Squirrel Gang incident, set on Portobello Road.

We have to be careful, and take measures, such as overfeeding our squirrels with jack-o-lantern flesh, so they’ll get slow and fat, to avoid problems like these.