Moving to England? Concerned about being lonely and ostracized due to your homeland’s generalized ignorance, poor eating habits, and moronically Machiavellian leadership? DON’T WORRY! It’s simple! Just follow these easy, tried-and-true steps! Study important films from your host country to create an understanding of what ALL the people in that country will be like before you go.…
Tag: Alcohol
Scintilla13: I’m Not as Think as…
by
Priests have drank wine in front of me since I was a baby. When I needed a tooth pulled, dad numbed my gums with whiskey. My dad taught me how to refresh his 7&7 when I was not much older than seven. This was during my parents wild “card” parties where couples came over and…
Everyone Eats the Gummy Worm
by
Here’s my Zen meets Don Draper assessment of life: Everyone Eats the Gummy Worm. I’m thinking about this, because I’m getting sort of a mish-mash of people on my Twitter Feed with no organization at all. Yes, I know there are list-y things, but I am not where I can use those to my (diss-)advantage…
Parties: Math Made Fun!
by
Day 9, #reverb 10: Party.What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? (Thanks, Shauna Reid) Here’s the best party advice I ever learned: Never –ever– hang your invite up on a wall. Parties are simple mathematical equations. They are algebra. On one side of the = sign is everything you need for the party:…
An Hour of UnShopping
by
I just got back from what I like to call “unshopping” — a painful and ludicrous part of consumer culture. This is when we de-stuff-ify ourselves. In this particular hour, I made four stops: To the church recycling dumpster, which takes cardboard and #5s, so I don’t have to throw them away. To return cans…
Techno-Love
by
Or, On How to Avoid Becoming a Lesbian at College My friend, Frances, and I have married the same man. Frances: Alex is bobsledding in Lillehammer. He’s a bit nervous. Me: Why? He’s loves to ski black diamonds in brightly colored one-piece snowsuits. Frances: The first time they go down in a big bathtub thing…
My American Dream…
by
… has nothing to do with $$$, and never has, although travel always requires work, which requires money in exchange for goods and services. … spent 3 years in London, and very much likes the Idea of British. … is sometimes melancholy, and loves thick lyrics that make me want to sing along. … eats…
Taking Care of Scraped Knees
by
Or, The Case of My Dad and Neosporin I’d like to say, for the record, that I always thought it was weird that Neosporin had the word “spore” in the middle of it. That might have been, partly, why I always liked it. I also know that I liked it because my Dad was totally…
Dressing up for Mickey
by
… or Why I Wear My Hot Sexy Boots for A Gay Guy I Only See Once Every Eight Weeks Today I went through the torture ritual of getting dressed–prior to my haircut. There was a shower too, and shaving, and an awful lot of tweezing. I am off at 12:30 to see The Man–…
If you like pina coladas…
by
Frances and I were coming home from the West End recently, about 10:30 or so, on the Bakerloo Line. We were chatting in our normal voices — louder than most Londoners would shout if they saw the number 189 bus careening toward their dear old granny but much quieter than my beloved and now-deceased Uncle…
