Fine, Matt. This is posted because you told me to. I am about to tell you something really gross that’s going to make you puke, so get the bucket. I don’t have to work at all if I don’t want to. (Go ahead. Heave away. I’ll wait while you blow your nose.) Back? Feeling better?…
Category: Humor and Rant
Funny things, and noisy ones.
In Praise of My Homeschool Homies
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I used to be one of those annoying, know-it-alls about education. “School is the only place for a child to learn what it is REALLY like out there in the world.” I’d sneer. Well, then, what happened was: I actually MET people who homeschool. I spent time around their kids. I learned more about how…
Everyone Eats the Gummy Worm
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Here’s my Zen meets Don Draper assessment of life: Everyone Eats the Gummy Worm. I’m thinking about this, because I’m getting sort of a mish-mash of people on my Twitter Feed with no organization at all. Yes, I know there are list-y things, but I am not where I can use those to my (diss-)advantage…
#reverb10 Day 28: Achieve is a Dirty Word.
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Fuck I hate that word. So there in my email is a simply GORGEOUS woman smiling at me and underneath her is the prompt for the day and it just so happens to be one of single words in the English language that I hate more than any other. ACHEIVE. Ergh. How does it make…
#reverb10 Day 27: The Ordinary Joy of Friends
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On Day 27 of #reverb10, Brene Brown asked: What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? My moment was an accumulation of split-second realizations: each about the same and exquisitely lovely. They were those moments when you are looking into the eyes of someone and you suddenly see the glimmer of returned…
Future Self: Don’t Be Such a Bitch
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Dear Future Self, I hope you realize that not EVERYONE is as lucky as you are to be a highly successful author of four best-selling books. I hope you remember that even though you have EVERYTHING YOU DESIRE, that many other people still have barely what they need. I hope you know that achieving ONE…
“Your Life’s Work of Art has Already Begun”
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Day 10, #Reverb10 Prompt: Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out? (Thanks, Susannah Conway!) “To create a work of art you’re proud of, step back on occasion, ask for feedback, paint over, change directions, and switch your medium. Just don’t wait to begin to paint, don’t…
Inside the Wall, Inside the Funhouse
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#reverb10 Day 7 Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011? (Thanks, Cali Harris). You know what is funny? The Muppets covering Queen. You know what else is funny? Crossword puzzles. Here’s something else: transvestite tips…
Where Wisconsin Is…
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…And Other Existential Observations on Home My colleague (we both teach at university) said, quite innocently: “I guess I don’t think of Wisconsin as the Midwest.” This while I was rapping a heavy mix of Madison virtues and Midwest easiness. “Oh,” she said when I called up the map. “I guess I thought it was…
Disney Princesses Have Ruined the Color Pink
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Being politically motivated and standing up for my beliefs had an interesting side effect of making it difficult to choose a straw for my iced tea this morning. At my favorite locally owned coffeehouse, I purchased organic tea in a recyclable cup. Being the artful sort, I paused as I reached toward the cup of…
Taking the Bagel
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The truth about life lies in this pat of butter. We can ask for what we want. We can even PAY for what we want. We can desire and expect it. But we won’t always get it. Here’s the bagel I had for breakfast at my favorite Milford cafe. I order it in this way.…
Please Accept This Spider Drawing as Payment
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Artists are basically fucked in America. They work their asses off, often all day and all night, spend heaps of money and thought on their craft and at the end of the month, they still have nothing with which to pay their water bills. So can they flush their toilets? NOOOO! One of the offspring…
On Being an American Pacifist
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I started writing a long, kinda preachy post and then I just stopped. Here’s how I feel as a pacifist: I am a conflicted human in my American place. I often wonder if I am stupid and ignorant. There is no doubt I am grateful for the freedom of our lives here. And my mind…
The Unfinished Basement is Not Worth Examining
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So I’m just emptying the dishwasher this morning and number one son runs out the the kitchen and says: “Mom! I just saw this guy on TV! He says he can finish your basement!” “Oh yeah?” My mind is spinning. I start to do the math. Local news is on. Commercial jingles ring. TiVo has…
Experiential Blogger Seeks Single Robot for Poetic Amalgamation
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Or, How to Write a Blog Post that No One Understands and Yet Still Find the Solution to World Peace I love this post from ScoutieGirl about Experiential Blogging so much that I’ve decided to give up my calling as a freelance circus masseur and start only being experiential. Dastardly cruel as it is (yes,…
