Category: Humor and Rant

Funny things, and noisy ones.

Oscars 2008 Recap

Best Way to Make Best Actress “Not There” Every year the Academy changes up the Oscars to try and make better, faster, stronger. It’s the Six Million Dollar Man of television really. Usually one of those tactics is to just drown out the nobodies when they are giving their speeches so that they are forced…

Eli Manning, Give Back Your Hybrid Escalade!

Who doesn’t love a hero? And after a gorgeous performance in Super Bowl XLII, Eli Manning deserves to be one. So, with 2008 marked already as the Year of Green, I can only humbly ask that our first hero of the year, Giants quarterback Eli Manning, give BACK to Cadillac the keys to their hybrid…

Creative Technology Has a Problem

Sim Wong Hoo, I’m Coming for YOU! This guy pictured here is the CEO of Creative Technology. My plan is to get an interview with him and pin him down. Why? I have an mp3 player. It isn’t an iPod, it’s one of HIS mp3 players, a Creative Nomad Muvo2. I bought it about five years…

Noodle, Revisited

I’m behind on my blog reading, so I just caught up to Ms JeanGenie’s excellent post on Noodles this morning. I had a revelation about Obama and Clinton the other day that rocked my world. It occured in an off-the-cuff manner by a newsman who was just talking about the Democratic race.  He said: “If he doesn’t…

For Achievement in Transformer Watching…

The Oscar nominations were announced today and as I scrolled through the list I have to admit this: it took a LONG time before I got to one I’d seen. Fortunately, I made it to “Achievement in sound editing” category, where I spotted the resounding critical success, Transformers listed. Phew. This was starting to get…

Scary South Carolina

On NPR this morning, there were many quotes from South Carolinans who are backing Huckabee because “JESUS is our saviour and he would want it that way.” Now I am definitely a backer of Jesus. I am also a good friend of the Buddha and I think Allah has his good points too. In general,…

90 Minutes from Door to Balloon

Tis the Season to Keel Over…. Fa la la la luh. I’ll probably die of a massive coronary for writing this, but it’s a sad state of affairs — on the health, diet and media accounts — when we are to the point of worrying about aggravating our clogged arteries around the holiday season. My…

Tag, You’re It

Or, Silly Games Bloggers Play to Fill Their Time Recently, my “bluddy” (ie. my blog buddy, or, also, my bloody-pain-in-the-arse-bugging-me-with-chain-blogs-buddy) Grinder “tagged” me for some inocuous game of Blog Tag. Being tagged in a blog is not (I hope) like being tagged by a gang member. It’s more akin to that uber-long and somewhat-but-not-quite personal “Get To Know…

The Happiest Terrorist (see new definition)

After reading a somewhat disturbing account of a poor Japanese tourist on a Connecticut train, I’ve decided, on behalf of all Normal (ie., not bonkers) English speakers everywhere, to reclaim the word “TERROR” and give it a total facelift. New Definition: Terror (n) (trr) : Intense desire to use a pogo stick. Usage: From the…

Take the Pineapple from the Bowl!

Or… Mama Earth’s First Indication We’re Overstaying Our Welcome I’ve brought you all here today, in the witness of this pineapple turkey, to tell you about the legend of the pineapple. Once people went to visit a wealthy home and they were greeted warmly. They knew the hosts were glad to see them because on…

How to Win the Nobel Peace Prize

You might have THOUGHT Mother Teresa won her Nobel Prize for caring for the poor and the hungry. But it was really her smack talk about the Bush family that sealed the deal. Because, according to a headliner at the “Ethics and Public Policy Center” there is one fool-proof way to get yourself noticed by…

That Rakeish, Sideways Smile (-:

Or… The Day Renée Montagne Used Valuable Airtime to Tell Me About a Computer Symbol’s Birthday Back when I was “dating” Wilbur, I swore I would never, ever wake up to morning radio. Will had his radio set to 98.9 and Johnny Dare’s morning show in Kansas City. You don’t need to actually listen to…

How I Became a Freecycler!

Or, One Crazy Old Irish Guy’s Junk is One Pikey Couple’s Reusables In case you haven’t heard of this latest craze, Freecycling is the newest thing to hit your neighborhood. It’s bound the be the cause of smothering death of packrats but it is the joy of people like Colin and I who, because of our…

Steve Martin-itis

Or… When Funny and Serious Start Leg Wrestling on the Puce Shag Rug The sucky thing about being human is that even when you are HILARIOUS you aren’t hilarious all the time. Like right now, I am a friggin’ laugh riot, but can you tell? No. Why? Because I am suffering from the appalling and much-talked-about…

The Mark of the Bewildered Wild

Now that I live with a mini forest in my backyard, I am seeing an odd sort of wildlife bewilderment reveal itself that I always felt nearby. In London, it was the foxes. Whilst the debate raged in the countryside and in Parliament about the cruelty of hunting foxes with dogs, the foxes themselves (clever…