Category: Humor and Rant

Funny things, and noisy ones.

How to Win the Nobel Peace Prize

You might have THOUGHT Mother Teresa won her Nobel Prize for caring for the poor and the hungry. But it was really her smack talk about the Bush family that sealed the deal. Because, according to a headliner at the “Ethics and Public Policy Center” there is one fool-proof way to get yourself noticed by…

That Rakeish, Sideways Smile (-:

Or… The Day Renée Montagne Used Valuable Airtime to Tell Me About a Computer Symbol’s Birthday Back when I was “dating” Wilbur, I swore I would never, ever wake up to morning radio. Will had his radio set to 98.9 and Johnny Dare’s morning show in Kansas City. You don’t need to actually listen to…

How I Became a Freecycler!

Or, One Crazy Old Irish Guy’s Junk is One Pikey Couple’s Reusables In case you haven’t heard of this latest craze, Freecycling is the newest thing to hit your neighborhood. It’s bound the be the cause of smothering death of packrats but it is the joy of people like Colin and I who, because of our…

Steve Martin-itis

Or… When Funny and Serious Start Leg Wrestling on the Puce Shag Rug The sucky thing about being human is that even when you are HILARIOUS you aren’t hilarious all the time. Like right now, I am a friggin’ laugh riot, but can you tell? No. Why? Because I am suffering from the appalling and much-talked-about…

The Mark of the Bewildered Wild

Now that I live with a mini forest in my backyard, I am seeing an odd sort of wildlife bewilderment reveal itself that I always felt nearby. In London, it was the foxes. Whilst the debate raged in the countryside and in Parliament about the cruelty of hunting foxes with dogs, the foxes themselves (clever…

Love me, Love my Generalization

I am not nice. It’s true. I quite often say not nice things (albeit TRUE things) for the sake of a laugh. Why? Because people are a pain. Not individually, naturally. One-on-one, I quite like everyone. It’s just all these heaving crowds of generalizations I can’t stand! Get them out of here! EAST COAST GIRLS…

Blocking the Deep Field View

Or, Why I Read Orion Magazine, Part 872 Want to have your mind blown? Get this: As of early April 2007, astronomers had found 204 planets outside our solar system. And they just keep finding more. At any given moment, assuming ultra-massive and dwarf galaxies average each other out, there might be 10,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 stars in…

What I am Reading… Orion Magazine

Or… Exercises in Different Thinking I’ve been a rabid subscriber of Orion Magazine for over two years now. It’s that sort of relationship, the kind you can’t remember how it started, and you never ever want it to change or end. There’s all too much going on the in world. So much so that word…

The Abominable SNOWMAN!!

…Or, More Love-Hate Consumerism at Christmas Time RARR!!! Spend bad. Me no like spend. Jesus baby manger good. RARR!!! Plastic Baby Jesus manger, made China, Wal-Mart shop! BADD! RARR!!! Errr… err… Star sky night…good … err.. Lights, many, hole ozone…eRRR RARRR!! Make ice melt! Make Snowman melt! RARARRR! BAD! Snowman? Light? Err… err… Me confused.

All the Plastic in the World

Lately I’ve been thinking about Little House on the Prairie. Not the books, but the show, with Melissa Gilbert and her pigtails flying. One of my favorite characters was Mr. Olsen. Not because he was so nice and long-suffering, with the noisy wife and spoiled children. No, I remember him because of his store. Inside…

Health Care Perspective

295,734,134 = Current US Population 15.6 = Percentage of Americans without health care coverage 46,134,525 = Number of Americans without health care coverage 60,441,457 = Current UK Population 100 = Percentage of British citizens/residents and EU residents with health care coverage in the UK 0 = Number of Communist plots concocted as a result of…

Notting Hill Carnival: The Corporate Mob

We went for our third Notting Hill Carnival yesterday. Didn’t plan to, just like we didn’t plan to be in the city for the bank holiday weekend. But it has always been the right idea in the end. Sarah and Tom planned the day for us and I suddenly remembered what it was like to…

How Britain Made Me a Patriot

Nothing about former Attorney General John Ashcroft’s snarling smile, his closed mind, and his Patriot Act could make me proud to be an American. Nothing about our President/Commander-in-chief waving on the side of an aircraft carrier could make me proud to be an American. Nothing about the pathetic two-party system, or the state of our…

World Cup, Au Naturale

Colin, Chris and I were just hangin’ out at a pub on the Strand, just moments after England won their first World Cup match, when we heard a commotion on the street nearby. Police escorts and everything for these 750-plus in-the-buff protestors/celebrators. They were protesting oil dependancy while celebrating the individuality of the human body.…

Death of the Routemaster…

OR, for real danger, now you’ll have to go to Mt. Etna It rains in London a lot. Sometimes it just mists, or mizzles, or drizzles. Other days it showers, teems, pours, tips down. In any case, it rains. As a result, quite often, the pavement is wet. It can just be foggy one early…